I can’t find the words for my life right now.
I have two weeks left until Christmas break, and no, I don’t have all my shopping done.
I have half a week left of my current class, and I have no gumption and I don’t fucking want to do jack shit for it.
I have a pile of shit I want to get accomplished, and no energy to get anything done.
My husband has been gone the majority of the last two weeks for work, and now that he’s home, he’s cranky because the house is a fucking shit show, and he’s, and I fucking quote, “Worried. What if I had died on the way back from Texas, would you be able to take care of everything?”
Yes, I fucking would, because I don’t like being told I can’t do something. Yes, I would fucking rise up and do what had to be done, but lately, it’s all I can manage to get the bare fucking minimum done, because my life is a shit show of epic proportions.
My students are a mess. My child was at my parents house for ten days in hopes of me getting ahead (I didn’t, but don’t tell them, because I don’t want the fucking lecture.) My husband and child being gone threw me for a loop. Grad school is fucking killing me, and that doesn’t even factor in the tiredness of being pregnant and teaching in December.
Plus, I’m a fucking idiot and have taken on way to much in school in the past month: ICU (homework room), One Act play practice every morning, potluck, baking cookies for the family that was in an accident Tuesday morning on the way to school, IEPS, 504s, Student Assistance Team.
I can’t keep going at this speed. Currently I want to shut every one and everything out. I need a break from school, a break from grad school. I want to curl up with my boys and decorate outside for Christmas. But noooooo. I have so many other things I have to do that even that probably won’t happen. Not to mention that my house desperately needs cleaned anyhow.
And people don’t get it. I’m not asking for sympathy. That’s not what I want. This isn’t some “Poor me.” rant, this is just me saying have a little bit of understanding that even though your life and job may not take so much out of you, other people’s do. And you don’t have to fucking understand it. That’s not on you. But don’t fucking judge my house or my lack of anything, because I feel like I’ve been in the middle of a war zone this month, and I couldn’t explain it all to anyone anyhow.
So much for fucking Christmas cheer.