Hypocrite.

I feel like the biggest fucking fraud lately.

It’s that time of year when teaching is exhausting. Spring break is just barely over, seniors leave for senior trip Thursday, activities are in full swing. Oh, and in just like…three?…short week I get to do my Smarter Balance tests…yay.

I’m in my last two grad school classes, and there’s been a lot of questions lately about teaching and coping and our successes. And yeah, I can write a discussion post with the best of them. But…I’m not having successes right now. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I swear in front of my kids because they’re driving me fucking crazy.

I’m failing.

And my professors feedback is saying I’m blessed. Or they appreciate my passion.

My passion right now is nonexistant.

I don’t want to teach.

I don’t want to get up.

I don’t want parent.

I don’t want to be a wife.

I don’t want to be pregnant.

If I went to bed tonight and didn’t wake up, I’d be okay with it. I’m so fucking drained. And I’m so fucking over it all.

I want to have positive things to say. I want have a positive outlook. But. Today. All I can do is not go to bed right now.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

 

3 thoughts on “Hypocrite.

  1. Daily Renewal

    OMG, are you my kid’s creative writing teacher?! Lol. I could never be a teacher. So be proud of yourself for what you do each day!! And don’t be too hard on yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. justchaotic

      I don’t have a creative writing class….but I think the feeling is pretty much universal right now! Thank you, it’s a hard and often thankless job, but usually I’m more positive about it.

      Like

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