What Ifs and If Onlys

I went on a girls’ trip this past weekend. A group of friends from high school, alcohol, a long as hell car trip, an ice storm, and more alcohol. It was so fun, but definitely left me thinking.

We’re so different from who we were, but also similar.

Of course, when five people who have known each other for twenty years a lot of our conversations took a stroll down memory lane, motherhood, husbands, you know. The usual drunken conversation fodder.

Admittedly, my life right now is somehow more stable–romantically, for sure–than it was then. And I admitted to low-key missing the drama of the high school relationships I was part of. But…fuck, I also realized through our conversations how lucky I am.

I’m not the only one who has these feelings: I was the unstable relationship one in high school, where the other four were always in relationships, and two married their high school sweethearts. Other exes, remembrances, and what would like have looked like had we married one of them, were discussed.

I left feeling a little like high school Caylee: more anxious, less sure of myself.

But, I also came home with a renewed sense of awareness for how lucky I am to have my husband in my life.

Oh, and a nasty hangover.

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