Nope, not a post about sex or actual nudity, more of the emotional, vulnerable kind. Sorry if you had your hopes up!
When I started this blog I was adamant that no one find out it was me. I was worried people would find it, hold it against me, judge my content, whatever.
However, for some reason, I just had this feeling, that I needed to share the post I wrote last week about Roarke. I just had this gut-feeling that it was something that needed to be seen. I mean, obviously I was proud of the post, but I also felt like it might help with the stigma that goes with postpartum depression.
So, I shared it on my personal Facebook. After I posted it, I felt…Naked. How would it be received? Would anybody read it? Then I realized I posted it directly from my blog, and that meant that people could read all of my previous posts.
Posts about politics. Posts that hinted at my political views. Posts about my mental health, my students, my marriage, my sex life.
What the fuck did I do?!
But…overall the comments were positive. There were two major themes in them: thank you for sharing, I can relate/it’s such an important discussion to have, or this was so brave to share.
And it was fucking hard to hit the share button, but I don’t know if being honest about something that happened to me, that happens to 10-20% of women (reported cases, anyhow, with 70-80% reporting “baby blues” but not clinical depression according to postpartumdepression.org) should be considered brave.
I think it’s important to open the doors for these discussions, and other uncomfortable ones. Do I feel like I failed in the first month of Roarke’s life because of how I took to him, or didn’t? Not anymore. I recognize that it’s not something I could control anymore than I could control the fact he had dark hair or was 8 pounds and 9 ounces.
I think my biggest takeaway though, was I didn’t need to be afraid to share who I am, how I feel. Not just about PPD and Roarke’s beginning, but also about everything else I feel needs shared. I think that if even one person relates to what I’m sharing, it’s worth putting out there.